On issues that concern ruining one's passion to share art

They made the wrong decision. I know I am right on this.

And seriously, just when I already had the perfect mindset for a new school year coming ahead...

When I say perfect, YES, this is perfect. I usually plan things, just for myself, but this time it's not. I never really put effort on my non-academic school life. And now that I'm already "in-the-zone" to dedicate everything up... to squeeze everything I can... to put some effort into something means a lot to me.

I really love what I am doing right now...

...and they blew it. They blew it. They seriously fucking blew it.

[NOTE: Pardon me for the expressions.
They are just expressions.
Read, I'm just pouring everything out.
Some paragraphs may disorganized
because I only write whatever comes.]

I just want to quote myself on this:
I said this right after this thing happened.
"Minsan ka na nga lang magkagusto ng isang bagay, pinabayaan mo pa."

This is the first time I cried over something not worth crying to. I never really cried over things like these but what hurts the most is the fact that, at some point, I really sensed people having a lack of time, and judgment, to mull things over. Considering the fact that we've all known each other for almost three years now ever since I got into college and chose to be the student that I am living my life in Faura hall, that there are rules broken and followed, that there are some things you could just consider if you fucking think out of the box. And now, this?

Let's just simply put it to the fact that, yes, we were wrong on our part...and we appealed for reconsideration regarding what we've lacked on this part. The thing is: is the decision made and thought over carefully? Oh, come on, slice everything. If you could just mince it until it's already in picometers or even smaller than that. DETAILS, people! COME ON!

Some of us weren't supposed to know how the constitution got broken. But yes, for the sake of the other two (from the four of us) being part of this circle we got informed...and what more else could we do but consider it as a part of what we, in our part, must consider in saying they made the wrong decision.

The world already knows, in making a judgment, you must first know both sides. I'd really like it to happen face-to-face but it seems these people just communicate through a messenger, that is the Internet and the thing you call SMS.

Of course, we know how we are at fault for this case to happen in the first place. We felt that we really lacked on that part but come to think of it: the decision was made without the full knowledge of the people concerned, and just as it was a result of miscommunication, it was further intesified by the fact that the whole community knew that it's already final....without ever considering that others should know before letting the whole community know.

Second thing: the appeal for reconsideration seemed very useless when there are already some people who're also appealing and you need to break a rule to consider that fucking appeal. The result for the second appeal? It all turned into a piece of crap.

So it was turned down. What I don't understand is that the first appeal needs to break a part of a rule as stipulated in the constitution. Believe it or not, the second appeal (which these four people made) only broke a part of a rule as stated NOT IN THE CONSTITUTION but in a code of internal procedures, far lower than the constitution.

In addition to that, the authors acknowledged the fact that the code of internal procedures can be changed as it deems best. BUT WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THIS IDEA? The second appeal got rejected all because of the fucking idea that the constitution got broken for the first time, and they said they wouldn't want another rule to get broken. WHAT THE FCUK ARE THE RULES FOR? WHY EVEN BREAK THE RULE IN THE FIRST PLACE?


At this point in time, I am pretty much confused on what to do. To come back to that place especially when the new people involve really wants us to be there, but no...these four people really think it's a slap in the face if we'd still come back even we're going to be with the new batch of people.

It's hard to explain but I'm 50-50 on this.

The proud part of me wants to say "in your face I won't come back, you gave me a choice because you didn't conduct a reality check." There are no more people much willing to serve and share their talents, labor, and skills than these four people are...and who are they going to pick after rejecting? It's still these four people on the lineup!

But there's this other part of me that I really can't explain how and why it really screams "I want to share what I have because they need not just the right side of my brain but also it helps that I'm there."

I really want to be there. But I think the proud me is really dominating on this issue. It really hurts to know that I can't do what the other half of me tells me what to do. I am shedding tears because of this. I know it sucks. I'm a crybaby just like that. And of all the facts I know from this, tears just suddenly fall down because I really know somethings are just wrong.

Maybe it's really not meant for me.

It's hard to explain everything especially when you just have to write it. This entry might become too long to be readable so I might as well end this.